An Inaugural, Hesitant Blog Post
Self-indulgence is hard for me...when it’s public.
Let me be clear. When I have some time to myself, and my emails are dodgeable, it’s shockingly easy to give myself permission to set down the Gmail, and partake in some of my favorite pastimes. I’ll indulge myself with hobbies, foods, TV shows, movies and more. In fact, these days, I actually have a hard time denying myself anything. I’m simultaneously the needy step-parent eager to please, and the step-child who’s very aware that he can take advantage of this.
However, where it gets tricky for me is when I have to talk about self-indulgence publicly, particularly when doing so is an indulgence in and of itself. In talking about the things I use to fill my leisure time with, I’m keenly aware that I’m opening myself up to disagreements, judgment, or worst of all, disinterest from others.
Regrettably, that’s what this blog is meant to be: one such indulgence. So, I have some misgivings about it. However, in a radical attempt at self-love and forgiveness (hyperbole), I have decided to confine all of my personal concerns about blogging to this inaugural blog post.
“What misgivings could you possibly have about starting a blog?” a fool might ask. Outside of the inherent solipsism required to undertake such a task (which I do possess but prefer to keep quiet in the dignified manner usually reserved for masking the illegitimacy of one’s child), my core fear in writing a blog lies with its intention.
Mostly because I don’t know what that intention is.
Is my intention to garner recognition? Do I want people to read this blog and think, “Wow, what witty and insightful observations?” Or should I only project that expectation onto neighbors trapped in conversation with me in the elevator? Am I trying to reclaim some semblance of sanity by instilling a new practice into my daily routine? A routine which has become so staid that if it was videotaped, could’ve earned me at least a callback for Amy Adams’s role in The Woman in the Window?
In actuality, I believe the intention of this blog is to catalog. After all, many of my friends have journals or diaries, and I am nothing if not a collection of choices reflective of my fear of missing out. For now, that’s what I choose to see this page as: a log of my experiences with various forms of culture I indulge in; whether that be movies, television, video games, art, theatre, or books (less likely). Perhaps, if I write down what I use to fill my spare time with, it’ll feel less indulgent and more productive, he lied to himself. Regardless, each week, I’ll discuss either an old, niche favorite of mine, or something completely new in a way that will likely expose that I often have no idea what I’m talking about, and don’t belong in the upper echelons of society.
With this inaugural post coming to a close, I wave goodbye to my misgivings, and begin to write with abandon. For the reader of this post, I’ll gauge your interest as time goes on, but strive to not depend on it! Unless you like it, in which case, please don’t be shy about it.